Relationship Coach

Are the Little Souls actually the Old Ones? Cultural Taboo to Speak about Miscarriages

/ Mental Health

Miscarriages are really hard to speak about. We hear a lot about postpartum depression when mothers struggle with depression after delivering babies. Definitely, it is a serious condition and it is so hard on them. I am glad that a lot of information is available on the Internet. Yet, when it comes to miscarriages, in society it seems to be somewhat a “taboo” to speak about. So can we better understand the pain of mothers who have lost their babies due to miscarriage (for different circumstances)?

 

As a therapist, I had an extremely challenging time when three of my clients in June reported miscarriages within about a week or so. Very unusual. While being a counselor for 16 years plus it was such a tough time for me to hear my clients’ reports. Later on, during the same month, one of the persons who I know in the community (not my client), has also reported miscarriage in her late first trimester. I felt so sad, devastated, and hurt. 

 

 

As therapists we are supposed to maintain boundaries, while protecting our well-being so we are able to help our clients. We are supposed to be unemotional (yet empathetic), but not supposed to take our clients’ pain to heart; otherwise we can’t help. Honestly, this time was so different for me. I felt heart-broken, I felt their pain deeper inside.

 

The things felt even more intense, because at that time I worked with a client (she is a former client by now), who addressed the same trauma. She grew up in the family of immigrant parents and she believed that she was meant to be the Big Sister. Tragically, her mom over the following years underwent seven miscarriages. The client shared her pain and suffering, and her unfulfilled dreams. Sadly, her mother had no support and she coped with the traumatic events one-on-one facing her pain. In different immigrant cultures (and I believe in the US as well) oftentimes many women blame themselves, as if they should do things differently and it is their fault. The reality is, we are all trying to do our best at every given moment according to our circumstances and any given support. We don’t need to blame ourselves. Sometimes things happen beyond our understanding and control. 

 

Meantime, my former client continued to share her story in our counseling sessions. When she was a young child, she witnessed how her mom mourned the babies (fetus). One time (maybe more) she saw the fetus was placed on the chair or couch in the living room. Her mother was grieving. So sad. I can’t even imagine my client’s pain and the pain of her mother. The client reported that she always wanted to be the Big Sister. After seven miscarriages, her mother unfortunately was unable to conceive another child. Despite the family tragedy, my client continues to move forward in her life. Her attitude of being there for others, contributing to the community and caring for her friends and the animals speak a lot of her strengths. I believe that someday she will transition from not only being “the Big Sister” to others, but to “a Special Mother” to her own children. Hopefully, to seven, who knows maybe more. That is my wish for her, of which I haven’t told her of course. You know, we as counselors are supposed to have confidentiality. LOL. People with loving hearts will always be blessed. In my heart, I know my client will continue to succeed in her endeavors and aspirations. 

 

Spiritual Meaning

 

We are Spiritual Beings at our very core. Our essential identities are beyond personalities. Personality, in fact, means “mask” from the Greek, social roles we play. Absolutely, it is nice to play in the game of life when we know the rules and our various roles and responsibilities. However, not always we understand them. Not always we receive the answers from Life. Do we have to know all the answers?

 

Contemplating the pain of women going through the experience of miscarriages (statistically 1 out of 4 women undergo miscarriages), I wanted to ask questions, Why? Why did this happen? Why is the Little Soul left so soon? However, instead of Why questions, stronger ones needed. What do we have to understand about the circumstance, the destiny? When we ask empowering questions, we receive intelligent answers. 

 

Taking a spiritual perspective, some souls are meant to be catalysts. And it is not about how long they are here, but how much change they bring. Pain, in its rough definition, is a great teacher in dissolving personal Ego. By dissolving personal Ego, our Hearts are opened more to Love and Compassion. This World lacks Compassion, very much so. Some Souls (despite their biological age in this life) are Old Souls and they may be meant to teach their parents. Biological and Spiritual age are not necessarily aligned. Emotional maturity and biological maturity may also be in discord. If your loved one or someone you know only came here for a short time, please connect to your heart, while searching for the truth and the meaning of Life, as well as healing. Everyone’s Soul mission is different. The Soul’s mission of a miscarried baby is a sacred one and may not be up to us to understand. The School of Life is not about a personal life, but how much personal life impacts others. In that content, can you see the courage of a Little Soul being agreed to come into this beautiful planet even though for only for a short time, but to make a significant difference in the hearts of others. 

 

Therapist Notes

 

    • Talk to others, who may have had similar experiences. Your story can heal others and help you to process your own pain. 

    • Don’t blame yourself. There is no value in blame.

    • Ask empowering questions.

    • Have conversation with God. He is your best counselor, listener, and healer.